Hilarious Travel Alert

1. Pray before you leave Nigeria for the US. Yes you read me right. Pray very very hard. Make the witches and wizards in your village no follow you go .

2. Before you leave, cut your dreadlocks if you are wearing any. Better still, shave your head “gorimakpa”. You don’t want to be profiled with ndi rasta n’ese igbo. Oh yes!

3. Buy enough traditional native attires, your old asoebis come in quite handy. These will ensure you cannot sag your trousers even if by “mistake”

4. When you get to the US and you have to drive, abeg tape your driver’s license and other documents on your forehead…I repeat…on your forehead to prevent ” had I known”

5. Don’t do silly things there like play loud music in your car or wear a face cap especially with the brim turned to the back of your head. It is an irresponsible and childish behavior done only by overgrown baby daddies

6. Be mindful of the people you carry in your car, make sure you all are looking sober constantly. Playing worship songs will help you tremendously here.

7. When pulled over, slowly stop at the shoulder of the road. Make sure your hands are on the steering wheel then freeze all parts of your body. Slowly turn your head that has ur particulars taped on it to the side the police man is standing on for full view of your papers.

8. Do not say a word. Yelz…don’t speak except spoken to. Do as you are told. If told to dance azonto, with all pleasure, do so. DO NOT ARGUE. In this instance the cop is always right.

9. When replying to the cop/s, make sure you do so in your deepest Nigerian accent (believe me this is one time you will be very happy you are an African with an original African accent). This should make them see that you are a tourist and not a threat at all since you are not speaking “gonna” and “wanna” indiscriminately.

10. Finally continue to pray and pray under your breath while all these are going on. Our Heavenly Father still answers prayers.

Tenkiu

Culled from Facebook